


Afterwards

by LadyHallen



Series: Tumblr HP [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, contemplating suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:24:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10017995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyHallen/pseuds/LadyHallen
Summary: Because no matter how Dumbledore phrased it, martyrdom or sacrifice or whatever, it was still suicide.





	

The shaking happened when he woke up.

Harry figured he was too tired last night to really understand that he’d just stood in the way of the Killing Curse and not dodge.

The shaking started in his hands and extended towards the rest of his body and eventually affecting his breathing. Harry hiccupped a little unwillingly and before he knew it, he let loose a sob. That proved to be a precursor before the rest followed, feeling like they were pulled from him.

Realizing he really just ought to let it out, Harry grabbed a pillow and let out great shuddering sobs into the soft material.

He, Harry James Potter, had committed suicide via Voldemort’s Killing Curse.

Perhaps other people would like to call it better things, like _sacrifice_ and _prophecy fulfillment_. He knew Ron and Hermione, once they came to terms with it too, would think differently.

Yesterday, all three of them were too tired to really _think._ In the light of the sun, everything seemed clearer.

And Harry still didn’t understand why he was shaking.

Abruptly, the curtains around the four-poster bed was pulled back and Neville was looking down at him with sympathy.

“Sorry I disturbed you,” Harry managed, realizing that he’d had to have been alerted by crying.

Neville sighed, sat down and engulfed Harry in a tight embrace. After the surprise wore off, Harry returned it, the shaking subsiding a little.

Neville felt wonderful, like a mountain that could hold him and not stumble. In that moment, Harry realized _why_ Godric’s sword came out for him.

“No need to apologize,” Neville said softly. “You did something stupid again, didn’t you?”

Hah, understatement of the century. Anybody seeing him not duck under that curse would call it stupidity.

“Yeah,” he whispered, throat feeling raw.

“Realizing how terrified you should be afterwards is usually how these things happen,” Neville said in a matter-of-fact voice. He pulled away and just patted Harry’s shoulder carefully. “I had to break out some first years from the Carrow’s dungeons a lot this year. Afterwards, I had to stay away while I just…”

“Broke down,” Harry finished quietly, suddenly understanding.

Of course Neville understood. When the adrenaline and the exhaustion wore off, all that was left was fear. And then you were empty.

They just sat there for a while, before Neville asked one of the house-elves for chocolate.

“And then?” Harry asked, nibbling on his chocolate.

Neville smiled at him. “And then we go looking for friends.” To fill in that emptiness.

With effort, Harry stood up and allowed Neville to herd him out of the dorm.

.

He found Ron and Hermione in the Great Hall and he felt his chest expand at the sight.

Hermione was reading a book, this time for pleasure instead of that dire, dreadful urgency that had harrowed and brought lines on her face as she scanned the pages.

Ron ate beside her, contemplating a chessboard and occasionally prodding the pieces when they attempted mutiny. Since their last game had been under the influence of a Horcrux, Ron had avoided the chessboard so seeing him in front of one made Harry smile.

Neville was right.

“Good morning,” Harry greeted.

Both of them looked up and smiled.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of Dumbledore's greatest sins. To convince an abused orphan that it's his duty to walk to his death. Willingly.
> 
> I'm also available at [tumblr](http://ladyhallen.tumblr.com) for any worldbuilding questions and prompts.


End file.
